Thursday, 21 August 2025

Love Behind Bars

 My name is Bulldog, and I want to tell you a story about love — the kind you never expect, the kind that finds you in the most unlikely places.

I was thirty-two years old when it happened, locked up in prison. That was twenty years ago, but I remember it like yesterday. Back then, my world was small: grey walls, locked doors, the echo of keys in corridors, and the same faces every day. I thought love was something for other people — people who lived free lives on the outside. Me? I was just surviving my sentence.

Then she came along — my mate’s auntie. At first, it was casual, just someone who came to visit, someone kind enough to spend time with me when so many others forgot. She had this way of making the visiting room feel less like a cage and more like a meeting place between two worlds. The guards, the clatter of chairs, the clock on the wall ticking down our minutes — all of it faded when she smiled.

Those visits became my lifeline. She travelled all over the UK just to see me, no matter how far the prison was. Some days she’d show up tired from the journey, hair a little windswept, but her eyes were always bright, and that alone made the wait worth it.

When I wasn’t seeing her in person, I was hearing her voice. Two, sometimes three times a day, she’d pick up the phone. And you’ve got to understand, in a place where the hours drag heavy and every day feels the same, hearing her voice was like breathing fresh air. It reminded me I was still human, still capable of feeling something real.

Somewhere in those conversations, somewhere between the laughter, the comfort, and the little arguments about nothing at all, I realized I was in love with her. Not the kind of crush that fades, but the deep kind — the kind that grows even when you’re locked away.

But loving her came with guilt. More than once, I told her she should move on. I told her it wasn’t fair, that she deserved more than waiting around for someone like me. I didn’t want her trapped by my sentence, my mistakes.

Every time, though, she refused. She’d look me in the eye across that visiting room table, or say it steady and sure through the phone line:
“I’m in love with you.”

And she meant it.

I’ll never forget one of those visits. It was winter, cold enough that my breath fogged the glass as they led us into the visiting hall. The place smelled of disinfectant and cheap instant coffee. Chairs scraped on the floor as prisoners and visitors found each other, everyone trying to steal moments of normality in a place where nothing was normal.

And then she walked in.

She had this long coat on, buttoned up against the wind, and her hair was a little messy from the journey. But when her eyes found mine, everything else in that room disappeared. I swear, for a second, I didn’t feel like an inmate anymore. I just felt like a man seeing the woman he couldn’t wait to be near.

“Long trip?” I asked as she sat down across from me.

“Four hours on the train,” she said, shaking her head, then smiled. “Worth every minute.”

I laughed, even though my chest ached hearing that. I wanted to tell her not to keep doing it, not to waste her time. But I bit my tongue. Instead, we just talked — about life outside, about the little things I missed, like the taste of real food, the sound of music in a pub, the smell of rain when you’re not locked inside.

She’d lean forward when she talked, hands wrapped around a paper cup of tea, her voice soft but full of life. I drank in every word like it was freedom.

But then the officer’s voice would cut through: “Ten minutes left.”
That was always the hardest part. Her eyes would drop, mine too. I hated seeing her pack up her things, pulling her coat back on, bracing herself for the journey home while I stayed behind.

Once, as she stood up to leave, I said it out loud, what I’d been holding back:
“You should move on. Find someone who can actually be there for you. Not someone stuck in here.”

She turned, looked straight at me. And with a calmness that shook me, she said,
“Bulldog, I’m in love with you. Don’t you get it? I’m not trapped. I chose this.”

Her words hit me harder than any sentence ever could. For days after, I thought about them. About her. About us.

The hardest part of every visit wasn’t the waiting, or the guards watching us, or even the time ticking away on the clock. It was the ending.

I remember one visit in particular. She had come hours to see me, and the visit had been perfect. We’d laughed, we’d talked, even sat in silence, just looking at each other like that was enough. But when the officer’s voice broke the spell: “Time’s up. Visitors, please make your way out,” I felt my chest drop.

She stood slowly, pulling her coat tight, giving me that look — the one that always cut through me. Her eyes were wet, and though she tried to hide it with a quick smile, tears started to fall.

I wanted to reach out, to hold her, to wipe them away, but all I could do was sit there, trapped by rules and walls. My own eyes burned, and one tear slipped down my face, just enough to sting and remind me how much it hurt watching her walk away.

Twenty years have passed since then, and life hasn’t made things easy. In that time, she’s faced cancer — twice. The first time, I was broken. Trapped behind walls while the woman I loved fought for her life, I felt powerless and terrified. I cried in places where men don’t cry. I cursed the world for keeping me from her side.

But she fought. My God, she fought. Every call, every visit, she came back with that fire in her eyes. She beat it.

Then it returned. The second time, it hit harder. But once again, she rose up and fought, and once again, she won. Those battles showed me what real strength looks like, and it wasn’t in my fists or reputation — it was in her.

Through it all, our love didn’t just survive. It grew. Roots so deep that nothing — not walls, not years, not even cancer — could tear them out.

And now, looking back, I see it all clearly. From prison visits to phone calls, from the tears at the end of every visit to the battles with cancer, every struggle brought us closer. Every moment reminded me that love isn’t about the easy days — it’s about standing by each other when the world tries to pull you apart.

We’ve fought battles most people couldn’t imagine. And yet, here we are, stronger than ever. Every scar, every heartache, every fight has only made our bond deeper.

I see her now, and I feel that same rush I felt the first time I saw her walk into the visiting hall. But now it’s tempered with gratitude, with awe, with a quiet understanding that life is fragile, and love is rare. She’s not just the woman I fell for in prison — she’s my partner, my friend, my family, the person who has made the impossible feel ordinary, simply by being by my side.

We’ll face whatever comes next together. Life will continue to test us, but we’ve proven we can survive anything. Because love isn’t just what you feel — it’s what you survive.

And we survived. Together.

Former prison officer from Mitcham accused of having a personal relationship with a teenage inmate at HMP Cookham Wood in Rochester

 A former prison officer accused of having a personal relationship with a teenage inmate and taking cannabis into prison has denied the allegations.

Ruta Indrasiunaite is accused of having a relationship with 17-year-old Royston Perry at HMP Cookham Wood, a Young Offenders’ Institution in Rochester, between April and November 2021.

The 38-year-old appeared before magistrates in Sevenoaks on July 31, after being charged with three offences.

ndrasiunaite, of Pitcairn Road, Mitcham, Greater London, is accused of misconduct in public office, bringing a prohibited article to a prison and taking a restricted document out of the establishment the same year.

It’s alleged she engaged in a personal relationship with Perry, who is now 21, between April 29, 2021 and November 30, the same year.

She is said to have brought cannabis into the establishment and is alleged to have taken a restricted document out of the prison, namely a list of approved PIN telephone numbers for a prisoner, between the same dates.

She pleaded not guilty to all the offences when she appeared at the court in Morewood Close, via the Cloud Video Platform (CVP) from her home in Mitcham.

She had been granted permission to appear via CVP and not in person because she had just had a baby.

The court heard two out of three of the offences were indictable only, and so all three cases needed to be sent to the crown court to be dealt with.

Perry also appeared in the dock at the same court during a separate hearing via CVP from the prison he is being held in after he was charged with three offences.

These were two counts of conspiring with another to bring prohibited articles into the prison, namely drugs and mobile phones, and bringing a prohibited article into the prison, namely cannabis, between the same period.

He didn’t give any indication of pleas in relation to his charges and the cases were also sent to the crown court to be dealt with.

Indrasiunaite was granted bail while Perry is currently being held in HMP Bristol. Both are expected to appear at Maidstone Crown Court for their preliminary hearings on August 29.

Tuesday, 19 August 2025

HMP Berwyn report

you can get accsess to the HMP Berwyn inspector report  by visiting this link and clicking on the file 
https://hmiprisons.justiceinspectorates.gov.uk/hmipris_reports/hmp-berwyn-2

Windsor prison guard who kissed inmate and sent explicit images is sentenced

 A prison officer from Windsor has been handed a suspended jail sentence after she sent explicit images of herself to an inmate and kissed them while on duty.

Chloe Hobbs, 23, was sentenced to 14 months’ in prison, suspended for two years, on a charge of misconduct in a public office at Oxford Crown Court on Wednesday (August 6).

Hobbs, from Gallys Road in Windsor, was also ordered to complete 180 hours of unpaid work, a 10-hour rehabilitation course, and pay court costs of £1000 at the sentencing.

Police said Hobbs' actions had ‘eroded confidence in the prison system’ and her conviction showed ‘misuse of authority will be met with decisive action’.

Hobbs was serving as a prison officer at HMP Huntercombe, near Nuffield in Oxfordshire, when her offences were uncovered in November 2023.

A contraband mobile phone had been seized from an inmate at the prison, which contained the explicit images sent directly from Hobbs.

Hobbs had also kissed the prisoner while on duty, she admitted in messages to a friend found on the phone.

Further investigation by police uncovered payments worth £2,800 sent from the inmates’ partner to Hobbs.

Hobbs was charged on March 4, 2025. She pleaded guilty to the charge of misconduct in a public office on May 8.

The investigation was led by prison intelligence officers from the South East Regional Organised Crime Unit (SEROCU), and HM Prisons and Probation Service (HMPPS) Counter Corruption Unit.

Huntercombe Prison is a jail in Oxfordshire for foreign national men, according to the Government's website. 

Head of SEROCU, Detective Chief Superintendent Steve Boniface, said: “We continue to work in close partnership with HMPPS Counter Corruption Unit to identify and bring to justice the small number of staff who violate the standards expected in public service.

“Hobbs’ actions eroded confidence in the prison system, all while she was serving in a role of considerable responsibility.

“This conviction sends a clear signal: no individual is above scrutiny. Misuse of authority will be met with decisive action.”

Pete Chatten, Head of HMPPS' Counter Corruption Unit, said: “This sentencing highlights the vital work of the Counter Corruption Unit in holding the minority of staff who break the rules accountable for their actions. 

"Through intelligence-led operations and our close collaboration with policing partners, we are intensifying efforts to clamp down on individuals whose behaviour undermines the security of our prisons."

another article from the inside times

 


article from inside times

 


the forgotten sentance. part 4

 Tomorrow I’ve got a legal visit. The first of many. These meetings aren’t small things for me—they’re the beginning of what feels like another war, another fight to prove who I really am against the stack of papers that say otherwise. Every page of my dossier, every paragraph written by people who don’t even know me, is a weapon being used to keep me locked in here.

This visit will be about peeling those lies apart, one by one. Highlighting the false stories, the fake claims, the fabrications probation love to write as if they were gospel. For them, it’s easy—sit at a desk, type a few lines, and suddenly their words become “fact.” But for me, those words are chains. Those reports are the reason I sit here year after year, watching the calendar bleed away my life.

I know how this goes. I’ve been through it too many times. The solicitor will sit across from me, dossier open, pen in hand. We’ll go line by line, and I’ll have to explain how each part is false, twisted, or exaggerated. I’ll have to defend myself against stories I’ve never lived, claims I’ve never made, and conditions I’ve never broken. It’s like fighting a shadow—you can swing all you want, but it’s always there, waiting to suffocate you.

And then there’s the licence conditions. That’s the part that burns the most. Probation dress them up as “protective measures,” but I know what they really are: traps. Designed to catch me out the second I step foot outside these walls. They’re not meant to help me reintegrate, they’re meant to set me up to fail. It’s modern-day entrapment, wrapped up in legal jargon.

I’ve already seen some of the conditions they want to slap on me if I ever walk through those gates. One of them says I can’t return to the area where my family live. My family—the only ones who’ve stood by me for thirty-five years. The people who’ve carried me through my darkest days. They’re not linked to my offence, they’ve got nothing to do with my incarceration, but somehow probation think banning me from them makes sense. They’re my lifeline, my support, my reason to keep pushing forward. To take them away from me is to strip away the last bit of hope I’ve got.

Another condition talks about towns and areas I’m supposedly not allowed to visit. Places that mean nothing to my case, but suddenly, on paper, they’re treated like danger zones. It’s laughable, really. They could write down anywhere, any place at all, and it becomes law for me. Miss a bus and step off in the wrong postcode, and they’ll say I’ve breached my licence. Straight back inside, no questions asked. That’s not rehabilitation. That’s control. That’s slavery in a different uniform.

I’ve heard the same stories from countless others. Lads who finally got parole, thought they were free, only to find themselves tripped up by impossible conditions. Curfews so tight they couldn’t even work a proper job. Areas so restricted they couldn’t visit their kids. Rules so petty it was like being punished all over again, just with a different set of walls. The system doesn’t want us to succeed. They want us back in here, filling beds, justifying budgets.

That’s why this legal visit matters. Because it’s not just about proving who I am—it’s about fighting against a machine designed to keep me locked down no matter what I do.

Tonight, before the meeting, I sit in my cell and think about how much of my future is already written down in that dossier. Words written by strangers, by people who don’t care, by people who’ve never lived a single day behind bars. They don’t know the reality of prison life. They don’t know what it’s like to lose family year after year, to live with the ghosts of your own mistakes, to try and rebuild yourself in a place that was built to break you. But still, they get to decide my fate.

So tomorrow, I’ll go into that room. I’ll sit across from my solicitor, dossier on the table, and I’ll fight. I’ll point out the lies, expose the contradictions, rip apart the fabrications. Because if I don’t, nobody else will. If I stay quiet, their story becomes the truth. And I refuse to let that happen.

This isn’t rehabilitation. This isn’t justice. This is survival.

The morning of the visit comes, and already I can feel the weight in my chest. It’s strange, how after all these years, you still get nerves over things like this. I’ve faced fights, lockdowns, riots, stabbings—you name it. But walking into a room with paperwork that decides your future? That still makes my stomach twist.

They call my name over the tannoy, and I make my way down. The corridors smell of bleach and damp, like always. Every screw I pass gives me the same blank look, like they know but don’t care. To them, it’s just another appointment. To me, it’s my life on the line.

When I get into the visit room, my solicitor’s already there. She’s got a stack of papers in front of her—my dossier. The pile looks thicker than ever. Every page a piece of my history, written not by me, but about me. Written by strangers, liars, and “professionals” who wouldn’t last a week behind these walls.

We sit down. She doesn’t waste time with small talk, she just opens the folder and starts. And that’s when it begins—the tearing apart of my so-called profile.

The first page is some psychological assessment, full of buzzwords and empty phrases: “risk factors,” “concerns,” “limited progress.” I can’t help but laugh, bitterly. Limited progress? I’ve done every course they’ve shoved in front of me. I’ve kept my head down, avoided trouble, even mentored younger lads coming in. But all that gets ignored. Instead, they write what fits their narrative.

We move on to the probation reports. Same story. Fabrications dressed up as facts. Things like “he remains connected to criminal associates.” Who? Name one. They can’t, because there aren’t any. I’ve cut all ties to that life. The only people I’m connected to are my family, and yet here they are trying to paint me as someone waiting to reoffend the second I walk free.

I feel the anger bubbling up, but I have to keep it controlled. Getting angry won’t change the words on the page. So I explain, calmly, point by point, why it’s wrong. My solicitor listens, takes notes, nods. She’s good—one of the few who actually gives a damn—but even she admits how hard it is to get these lies corrected. Once it’s written, it sticks.

Then we reach the licence conditions. My hands clench before she even starts reading them out. No contact with family in certain areas. Restrictions on travel. Curfews so strict they’d make holding a job nearly impossible.

One condition even says I’m not to be in “unsupervised contact with minors.” My solicitor pauses before reading it out, because she knows how much that one cuts. My great-nieces and nephews—they’ve grown up without me. And now, even if I get out, this condition would mean I can’t even hold them, can’t sit in the same room with them, without it being seen as a breach.

The funny thing is, my offence isn’t even against minors. Never has been. So why is probation making these stories up? Why create conditions that have no connection to the truth, no connection to my actual offence? It’s just another way to twist the knife, to keep me further away from the little family I have left. Another fabrication added to the pile, another reason to set me up for failure.

That’s when it hits me again—this system doesn’t want me to live. It wants me to exist under constant threat, one slip away from being dragged back inside. Freedom with a leash so tight it chokes.

The meeting goes on for hours. By the end, my head’s pounding, but I’ve said my piece. I’ve exposed the lies, highlighted the fabrications, shown where probation twisted the truth. Will it make a difference? I don’t know. I’ve been through this enough times to know that sometimes it doesn’t matter how strong your arguments are—the system always has the last word.

When I’m escorted back to my cell, dossier still on my mind, I sit on the bed and stare at the wall. The noise of the wing carries on outside—lads shouting, screws banging doors—but I barely hear it. All I can think about is how much of my life is trapped inside those pages, how much of my future depends on people I’ll never truly know.

And I realise something: tomorrow, next week, next month—it’ll all be the same battle. Because for men like me, parole isn’t about proving we’ve changed. It’s about proving we can survive a system built to see us fail.